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Happy New Story Sunday, Daily Tomorrow readers! This week, we have an authentic and urgent dispatch from the dispossessed heir to the “Fortune of Lanarkshire”, Brian M. Milton. I hope this pop-eyeing (sorry, eye-popping) story plants itself in your mind and leaves no bitter taste. Sorry about that, I yam what I yam. —The Editor
Spinach 419
By Brian M. Milton
Dear Brain;
I am a Nigerian spinach and I have inherited a thousand million Nigerian naira from my father. Sadly he was eaten by a corrupt government official who is trying to steal that money and I must get it out of the country as soon as possible.
This is not easy as I am a spinach plant and my wifi connection is poor on this experimental farm. This means I need human help and you are a caring person.
I will require initial seed funds to hire a local courier to begin the paperwork. If you send me $1000 now, I will be able to transfer you the money for safekeeping until I escape.
I understand this may read like a terrible, bad scam email from one of those naughty people in my country but as this link (https://www.euronews.com/living/2021/02/01/scientists-have-taught-spinach-to-send-emails-and-it-could-warn-us-about-climate-change) proves spinach can communicate on the internets and I am part of the next generation of these plants. Should you need further proof of this, simply send £10 to my bank details below and I will arrange for a bag of seeds to be sent to you. If only my children escape from this terrible place then you will have rendered me a great service.
Yours in hope,
Dave, a spinach plant.
I received this email today and almost ignored it. It has all the hallmarks of a scam email, typos, asking for money up front to get more money from a foreign country, getting my name wrong, using what they think is a common local name. But the bit about spinach amuses me. Yes, I've seen the news
articles, and attendant social media jokes, about emailing spinach but this is taking it to a whole new level. A spinach claiming both sentience and to have inherited a fortune. How on earth has this parent spinach plant made its fortunes? Perhaps it has detected gold with its roots.
I chuckled to myself at the thought while wondering what other nonsense the scammer would come up with if pressed. I've read a number of articles where people reply to scammers and this feels like it could be a good one of those. I wonder if I could get them to continue to claim to be sentient spinach or if they'd claim to be the courier instead. I'm also intrigued by what seeds they'd send out. Would they keep the spinach theme going?
It seems like too good an opportunity to miss.
So, dear readers of this humble blog, I've just sent Dave a reply. Let's see if they take the bait.
Dear Dave, a spinach plant,
Thank you for your earlier email and I am very sorry to hear about the passing of your recent father in such horrific circumstances. You are correct that I am a caring person and I would like to help but I do have to be careful on the internet these days. There are so many con men around.
I would certainly like to help your children escape but, as proof that this is not a scam would you be able to send me a small packet of the seeds first. I have included a Post Office box address below.
With this confirmation of your good faith I am sure we will then be able to move on to greater transactions.
Yours helpfully,
Brian
Brian is a short scruffy Glaswegian who lives in a small bungalow with a large garden. He is surrounded by bee hives, cows and badly maintained vegetable beds. At nights the plants creep around the house and tap on his windows. He has been previously published in places such as Shoreline of Infinity, New Maps and Fireside Fiction. Further information on his writings can be found at his occasionally updated blog at https://munchkinstein.co.uk/
Copyright © 2025 Brian M Milton