Mila keeps a firm grip on my hand. “I’m under orders to give you time to remember on your own.”
Now I’m angry, but I won’t take it out on Mila. Keeping my voice calm but firm, I say, “I’m the president and owner of this company. My orders supersede everyone else’s.”
“Everyone,” Mila says, “except for you. The orders I’m following are the ones you made me promise to follow, no matter what you say when you’re in this state.”
This state.
I mull over what Mila said and how she said it.
We walk along a path through the landscaped grounds outside the building. I flex my hands, and they feel good, despite the condition of my nails and the faint throbbing of the finger I might have broken. I feel strong and vital, no matter my age.
I notice a row of hydrangeas that need to be dead-headed.
“I’ve been in this state before,” I say to Mila.
“You’ve been here often.” Mila clears her throat. “By your orders, your recognition that you’ve been in this state before allows me to tell you that the research we’re doing is for people with the most severe form of dementia. Conventional treatments work for those with early-onset dementia and succeed in reversing the damage. Our work is for people with advanced dementia. We’re developing and testing nanotools to repair much more severe damage by searching for the ghosts of lost synapses and repairing them.”
I don’t want to ask but I do it anyway. “Our work? How involved am I in this?”
“Very.” Mila walks by my side but turns her gaze to the building. “You volunteer to experience the simulation of a stroke.” Her voice cracks. “I’ve asked you over and over again to stop, but you won’t.”
I’m baffled. Why would I willingly do such work? My family is gone, killed by a mass shooter or a drunk driver or some force of nature. They were my safe place, and now I have none. I am utterly and completely alone in a world consumed by arrogance and hubris and hate.
Is this work my escape?
Or have I been hoping it will kill me?
Resa Nelson is a member of Science Fiction Writers of America. She is also a graduate of the Clarion Science Fiction Writers Workshop. She has sold more than 20 short stories to magazines and anthologies, including Clarkesworld, Science Fiction Age, Marion Zimmer Bradley’s Sword & Sorceress XXIII, Women of Darkness II, Future Boston, and 2041. She was the TV/Movie columnist for Realms of Fantasy magazine for 13 years and also wrote articles for SCI FI magazine. She has published 24 novels. Visit her website at resanelson.com.
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