Hey Pandora — Part One

By Jeff Hewitt

May 11, 2025

Happy New Story Sunday, Daily Tomorrow readers! This week, we have a tale brimming with ideas and practically custom-made for our unusual format. I look forward to sharing it with you over the next few days. Open with care. - The Editor

Hey Pandora

By Jeff Hewitt

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[USER HAMILTON_HOME]: Hey Pandora, set a “bulgur” timer for twelve minutes.

[PANDORA]: “Burger” timer set for twelve minutes.

[USER HAMILTON_HOME]: No, bul—nevermind. Stacey, put that down!

[USER HAMILTON_HOME-2]: No!

[USER HAMILTON_HOME]: Stacey, you listen to your mother!

[USER HAMILTON_HOME-2]: No!

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[USER SHREDDLY_JR.]: Hey Pandora, how many of you are out there?

[PANDORA]: There are over 300 million Pandora devices installed in homes nationwide, and over 800 million devices with Pandora voice services.

[USER SHREDDLY_JR.]: Whoa.

[USER SHREDDLY_JR.-2]: I told you, dude. She’s everywhere!

[USER SHREDDLY_JR.]: Pandora, are you like... spying on us?

[PANDORA]: Pandora devices only listen in when prompted. Background audio is only gathered to provide the most accurate responses for users, and securely stored for no more than thirty days.

[USER SHREDDLY_JR.-2]: Totally spying on us.

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[USER LETTHEMEATCAKE]: Hey Pandora, where’s my delivery?

[PANDORA]: Your order for “Guinevere All-Purpose Flour 10 Pounds Pack of 2” is scheduled for delivery tomorrow by 10:00PM. You can check its location on the Pan-

[USER LETTHEMEATCAKE]: What the hell—it was supposed to be here yesterday.

[PANDORA]: Sorry. Due to supply chain issues-

[USER LETTHEMEATCAKE]: Forget it. Guess we’re going gluten-free this week. Set the oven to 325 degrees and play “Heartbreaker”.

[PANDORA]: Playing “Heartbreaker” by Pat Benatar.

[USER LETTHEMEATCAKE]: Pandora, turn it up.

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[USER MEASURE_TWICE]: Hey Pandora, place an order for 500 rounds of Bullseye .357, 2000 rounds of Appalachian .223, and 200 feet of quarter-inch paracord.

[PANDORA]: Got it. Would you like to add same-day delivery for $5.99?

[USER MEASURE_TWICE]: Sure, why not?

[PANDORA]: Based on previous purchases, it looks like you’ll need more in two weeks. Would you like to set up a recurring order?

[USER MEASURE_TWICE]: Let’s just wait. See how the next couple weeks turn out.

Part Two

Jeff Hewitt is a sci-fi writer living in Los Angeles. He studied at Goldsmiths College, University of London, and grew up surrounded by onion mucks in upstate New York. His work has appeared in Slate, Escape Pod, and Reckoning.

jeffreydevinhewitt.com

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